'AITA for going to work while my wife was having her appendix out?' Wife accuses husband of abandoning her, internet reacts

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    Property - C E "AITA for going to work while my wife was having her appendix out?" YREND
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    Font - AITA for going to work while my wife was having her appendix out? My (31m) wife (32f) was having a ton of really bad abdominal pain last weekend. I drove her to urgent care Saturday morning--she didn't want to go but I basically made her. Urgent care made her go to the ER where they determined that her appendix needed to come out that day.
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    Font - She called her mom before surgery. Her mom must have told both of my parents as well because all three (her mom and my mom and dad) ended up at the hospital to be with her during her surgery.
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    Font - Now; here's where the conflict lies...I was scheduled for work at 5pm that night. I've just started a new job that pays well. I only started it a couple of weeks ago so I am brand new at it. I didn't want to call in. They probably would have been cool with it given the circumstances but I still didn't want to do it. I didn't even have the PTO for it; I would have either had to take the day unpaid or gone negative on my PTO. So, while my wife was having the surgery I went into work and pul
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    Font - My wife is upset with me. She is accusing me of "abandoning" her. But I think that is unfair. She was having a completely routine surgery and she had plenty of company and support. It was unfortunate that I couldn't be there and I feel bad about it but it's not as if I'm a surgeon and could have made a difference. I had to work, period, and I'm too new there to call in. The timing sucked but my wife's health outcomes were the same either way. Her mother gets it and so does my father. But
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    Font - hellolittlebears. 5 hr. ago. edited 2 hr. ago Certified Proctologist [25] YTA. It was important to her that you be there. That's your wife having surgery, man. You could have taken off work - all but the absolute worst workplaces would understand "my wife is having an urgent surgery" - but you prioritized your job over your wife. 5.6k Reply Share
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    Font - Eggplant Original6314. 5 hr. ago 2 NAH. As long as her parents were there and you were there before and after it is not a big deal to me. I mean you just started the job and would like to keep it. You couldn't do anything for your wife and she wasn't alone so, i think it is fine 2.6k Reply Share
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    Font - 7dayweekendgirl. 5 hr. ago YTA People can die during appendix surgery. There can be so many complications. How would you have felt if she died and you were at work? 1.5k Reply Share
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    Font - TH Radiant_Composer_454. 5 hr. ago NAH - maybe not the choice I'd have made but you were in a tough spot with the new job. Also, you didn't abandon your wife - you made her go to the hospital when she was refusing to seek that kind of medical attention, if anything you potentially saved her. You also knew she has adequate support around her, she wasn't alone. 1.1k Reply Share
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    Font - Witty_Rich2100.5 hr. ago I think everyone here has valid arguments and it was just a bad situation. Fortunately it was a routine surgery and she came out ok. Congrats on the new job and all. I think the best thing here is to not try and decide who was right. Emphasize that it was a rough situation and you thought you were making a right call. Come to terms with future situations. Above all else, please leave your family out of it. Lol 419 Reply Share
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    Rectangle - jade8384 5 hr. ago . NTA- I would have told my other half to go into work as it's a new job. She had enough support from the parents. 240 Reply Share
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    Font - UD jrm1102 5 hr. ago Commander in Cheeks [22... Info - what communication was there with your wife about this? Did you tell her how you couldnt be there? 178 Reply Share
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    Font - Legallyfit 3 hr. ago Can't believe I had to scroll this far for this. I'd want to know a lot more about what was said at the ER, did he talk to her about going into work at all, did she know her parents and his were on site? Did she ask him to stay and then he said no or said yes and went anyway? To me these details are important here.
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    Font - manaliabrid 5 hr. ago YTA. Did you have a conversation about it before she went into surgery? Did you ask her if she wanted you there? Because if she said yes, she wanted you there, and you said sorry I have to work, man that's cold. People don't go to their family's hospital beds because they can affect the health outcome. You go to support the person you love. 164 Reply Share
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    Font - LtDan281 edited 2 hr. ago YTA 5 hr. ago. "They probably would have been cool with it given the circumstances but I still didn't want to do it."
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    Font - The fact that you didn't even bother trying to contact your work to discuss the situation for their input is repulsive. There's plenty of options that your boss could've possibly offered you in that situation, but you'll never know because you didn't buckle down as an adult to communicate with them. The timing absolutely sucked, and you know, people might have actually understood that and worked with you, had you tried.
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    Font - There are significantly worse things in life than unpaid leave or negative PTO. One that immediately comes to mind is making sure your wife understands that unpaid leave and negative PTO outrank her need to have you there with her.
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    Font - I'm not sure how familiar you actually are with medical procedures, but as others have said, no surgery is routine. You really don't want to learn to not take things for granted on something like that the hard way. Edit - thank you for the award, greatly appreciated! 153 Reply Share

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